


It So Happens I Am Going To Be Lived

by pysgodyn



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Romance, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:45:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5030677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pysgodyn/pseuds/pysgodyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As is with Mal, Ariadne refused to lie down on the railway and wait for the train to hit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It So Happens I Am Going To Be Lived

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at Inception Reverse Bang, and I cannot believe I made it.  
> This is for ameluz71 and her art that started it all.  
> All the thanks to tegomisa for her beta-greatness!

Arthur always returns to Paris. Not periodically or any telling fixed schedule that may tick the radar of people he’d really rather not know that _yes, he is actually still alive_.

But he returns to Paris every now and then. Because Louvre. And for the past two years, Ariadne.

He doesn’t need a key into Ariadne’s petit flat, and she knows that, but she still gave him a copy. It was the gesture that matters for both of them. He opens the door, and it was pitch dark inside. He felt the wall for the lamp switch, feeling the texture of a post-it note on it. He pulled the paper without switching the lamps on as a force of habit, instead reading the note with the dim light of his cellphone.

_Apparently my thesis does not finish by itself no matter how hard I willed it to. I will be back with freezing hands and feet, make sure you keep the comforters warm for me._

_P.S. I know you’re reading this without turning the lights on. Freak._

Arthur smiled at first, then he sighed. It hasn’t been like this between them, before. Arthur has very inconsistent schedule, and Ariadne has somewhat a more structural one since she’s currently working on her master’s degree, so she used to put him first.

It’s possible he’s just being petty, but there’s this tugging in his heart that feels like it doesn’t belong. What changes, he wondered.

***

The thing between them has been a spontaneous spark ever since the beginning, ever since he thought _fuck it_ and leaned for a kiss deep down in a dream. In which Ariadne retaliated much later when it was safe for the both of them to meet after Sydney. Arthur was in Paris for a quick Louvre ritual before a job, and they agreed to meet. Arthur was still wearing a suit. Ariadne was still multilayered in a cardigan and a scarf.

“I’ve begun to expect people—real live people—to start staring at me like I’ve intruded a dream.”

Arthur nodded, “It happened to me too. The key is to do outrageous things for real, testing it out, and then you’ll get better at coping.”

Ariadne took a sip of her scalding café au lait, seemingly in a trance. Then she nodded,” Okay, let’s put it to a test.”

She snatched Arthur by his tie down to her height, and kissed the life out of him. Tongues and teeth involved. When she’s done, Arthur pulled himself up, but not so far as to release Ariadne’s grip in his tie. His eyes twinkled, and she’s mirroring his smug half-smirk.

“How’s that working for you?”

“You tell me. Is anybody looking?”

Arthur took a side-way glance. “Two—no, three.”

Ariadne blinked. “Maybe they just happen to be into exhibitionism.”

Arthur shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Either way I think we should push the boundaries of your theory.”

Arthur’s eyebrows rose up, up, up. “Here?”

Ariadne pushed him half-heartedly. “No, pervert. In my flat, preferably on my bed. Now come along. You’re going on a job tomorrow and we’ve got no time to spare.”

Arthur thought that rather defeats the purpose but he wisely kept his silent. When the deed has been done with no other word exchanged but a deadpanned ‘ _strip’_ from Ariadne, he finally have the courage to say,” I really like you.”

To which Ariadne, who’s sleepily curled to his chest replied tonelessly,” Why do guys think that the best time to confess was _after_ they have sex with her? Thankfully you’re not one of those guys.”

Arthur doomed his inability to keep his silence longer. He felt Ariadne snickered to his shoulder, and a ghost of kiss on his warm skin. He smiled contentedly. The girl of his literal and figurative dreams is lying in his arms. Tomorrow, he thought. First thing in the morning.

“And no waking me up first thing in the morning to say mushy stuff either, I’m beat,” Ariadne yawned.

Damn.

“Fine, I’ll get creative.”

A month later Ariadne awoke in her bed with a start from the most amazing architectural themed Alice in Wonderland dream filled with Penrose stairs and mirrors led by a bunny eared Arthur in his usual three piece suit. The dream ended as she fell and fell down the rabbit hole.

She sat up, knowing the feel of a needle in her arm before she even glanced at it. She locked her eyes with Arthur, who’s sitting on the bed next to her.

The first thing she said to him was, “You drugged me in my sleep. Also, you’re trespassing.”

“I was being creative. Did you see what the roses spelled?”

“Of course I did, I had to paint all of those in red.”

“So what do you say?”

She noticed that Arthur was actually _shuffling_ his feet. The same Arthur who fights subconscious-trained-guards in zero gravity and used the adjective _merry_ to describe the chase. She almost outright smiled, but held back in time to put up a front.

With an unimpressed raise of both her eyebrows, she said, “I say, I smell Eames all over this dream.”

Arthur coughed, his ears reddening. “Well,”

Ariadne sighed,” I’m giving you brownie points for executing the job well done.”

“Wait, is that a yes?”

“Mm,” Ariadne hummed absent mindedly as she carefully slipped her needle out and reached inside her bedside table. She pulled out a black magic eight ball and threw it to Arthur, smiling bashfully. With a quirk of a smile, Arthur shook the ball gently.

“ _Ask again later._ ”

Ariane burst out laughing. Arthur tackled her down, exasperated. Hanky-panky ensued. The magic ball fell, knocked the wall on its way and rolled under the bed.

***

The Sydney crew knew they’re together. Even Dom, who’s been switching career from being the most sought after dream architect to a professor teaching graduate architecture program back home sent Ariadne a ‘hope you’re happy’ card, and another ‘are you insane’ card respectively to Arthur.

“She trespassed my deepest dream level,” complained Dom on the phone. Which was in loudspeaker so Ariadne could retaliate with,” The only reason we got out alive, Dom. Me.”

“Can’t argue that,” Arthur spoke.

“Well you two deserve each other,” Dom grumbled before disconnecting one-sidedly.

Yusuf sent them a package of twelve mini glass bottles containing mysterious light purple colored liquid when he found out they’re together.

“For Ariadne when she gets bored. And for Arthur when Ariadne gets bored.”

There’s not much to say except they ran out the gift within a month and expected Yusuf to send more. In which he complained,” I didn’t know Ariadne gets bored that easily, for heaven’s sake. Arthur you’re out of your depth here.”

Arthur just shrugged helplessly.

Sometimes, they went on a side job together. Nothing as dangerous and highly illegal, but more of the moral quandary cases, which Arthur usually found once in a while. And Arthur liked to invite Eames, because Ariadne adores Eames. And Yusuf. But never Dom, because he has sworn off dream jobs.

“You two are the dolls, darlings,” Eames said one time as he watched the two of them get in fight over a hidden backdoor for the job’s dream infiltration. Ariadne ended up ripping Arthur’s tie. “I am positively overjoyed for tipping Arthur about the Wonderland confession, both of you makes a _wonderful_ couple.”

“Shut up, Eames,” Arthur growled. It was his second most favorite tie.

“Do not shush Eames, Arthur,” Ariadne said menacingly. Eames clapped with a grin. Arthur’s eyebrows started to form a V line. “He did not say anything wrong, despite the intonations,” Ariadne chided,” we _do_ make a wonderful couple.”

Arthur’s ears reddened, and he coughed, hiding his mouth with a hand. Eames pouted.

“Now that’s settled, I still think that my plan using a hidden _actual_ elevator is better than a dummy waiter. What do you think of your most favorite tie, Arthur?”

Sighing, Arthur begrudgingly said to her,” Actual elevator. Why didn’t I think of that before?”

Eames cackled happily,” Whipped!”

***

“Ariadne, we can’t. We won’t.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Dom, you’ve got no right,” Ariadne replied coldly.

Dom’s face darkened,” That was different.” Eames and Yusuf stared at them bantering, both feeling lost and frustrated.

“Arthur is strong, unlike me. He can handle this. We’ll be there for him too,” Dom started to plead.

“And what if he can’t?” She retaliated. The room grew silent.

“Look, we don’t have— _I—_ don’t have much time, okay? If he ends up _not_ able to handle it, if he ends up feeling guilty, ends up with a Mal-like subconscious—,“ Dom flinched, but Ariadne continued anyway,”—I won’t ever do that to Arthur, okay?” She took a deep, trembling breath as she held back her tears.

“Darling. He’s a point man. A bloody good one. He’s…as much a stuck up as he’s capable of not mixing personal things with business,” Eames started to reason.

Ariadne smiled at that, a broken one that pierced Eames heart,” Oh Eames. You don’t know him as well as you claim to do.”

***

Arthur felt the comforter shifted, and he tensed for a moment before realizing it’s his own girlfriend, with promised cold hands and feet that started to curl against his own.

“You’re cold,” he whispered sleepily.

“Aye aye,” she whispered back,” go back to sleep.”

Arthur nodded, snuggled a little to the pillow, and let out a deep, even breath.

She brushed his face with her fingertips, slowly as not to stir him up, then she took her pillow and went to the living room couch. Tiny steps, she was told to do, and tiny steps she would take. Making herself comfortable on the couch, she fell asleep knowing that Arthur was only pretending to sleep. And that he knew she realized.

In the morning, Arthur was left with a familiar post-it note.

_Sorry can’t stay, thesis sucks. Have a good day at Louvre._

And Arthur wondered, since when Ariadne stopped using hugs and kisses marks on her notes?

***

“Just let me broke up with him,” Ariadne said, almost convincingly nonchalant.

“Won’t do darling, he’ll just chase you around the world. No, you have to let _him_ do the deed.” Eames scratched the back of his head, starting to feel frustrated. They don’t have much time, down here. And so deep in four levels, Eames worry if they could be back unscathed at all—conscious and subconsciously.

“Inception,” whispered Yusuf.

Dom said nothing, his hands trembling as he randomly jutted down a maze on a piece of paper. His desk was filled with other random sketches of the maze.

“Yes. We’re about to incept a man who could kill with a plastic spoon. Hip hip hooray,” Eames grinned without even a hint of amusement.

Ariadne replied with a ghost of a smile,” I love men who know how to handle their plastic spoons.”

Dom sighed, “Lord have mercy. Are we really doing this?”

The other three stared at him with an unbelieving look, because it has been three days in this level, and they have been talking about nothing but this particular plan.

Dom grunted, “Don’t give me that look. Just—okay.” Eames gave him a quick smile. Yusuf gave him a hesitant thumbs up because they’re not in it for the thrill, like Sydney. Ariadne struggled to move from her bed, which Eames frowned upon,” Careful there.” She ignored him as she walked to Dom, their eyes locked together. As she stood in front of him, Dom could almost see her tears. She gave him a peck on his cheek and hugged him. Dom wavered before he returned the hug, his eyes screwed shut the entire time.

“I’m going miss you,” he whispered real low so only she could hear. She didn’t say anything back, but her hug grew tighter.

“Ooh, hey now, you didn’t get all mushy when Yusuf and me agreed to this!” Eames strode to their spot and hugged them both, followed quickly by Yusuf.

“Yusuf and _I_ , Eames,” Ariadne corrected under the careful hugs.

“Brat,” he replied, and the others could hear him sniffed, but none pointed it out.

***

“I’ve got a confession to make,” he said.

“So you lied about getting it on with Brad Pitt way back when, big deal,” Ariadne answered distractedly, still facing the counter as she continued beating four eggs into a bowl.

“Ari,” urged Arthur,” please.”

Surprised, Ariadne put down the bowl and turned. “Yes?”

Arthur looked awful, and she wondered whether she should get a plastic bag just in case he puked all over the new carpet.

“I need to be gone for a while,” he spoke,” I think someone is targeting me, and maybe Dom, so.”

She wasn’t expecting that, “Dom? I thought he’s out?” Her question was answered with an elongated sigh,” This was from way back pre-Mal, even. Something’s must have triggered them to know we’re alive. Anyway, I’ve asked Saito, and he said he can take care about making sure we’re all dead in the files. But those guys, he couldn’t help with.”

Ariadne frowned,” Okay. So what are you two going to do?”

“The usual kind. You know. Incepting them to lay off our asses,” Arthur half-confessed. But it’s hard to fool Ariadne, everyone knows. Arthur had no hope. She hummed as she took light steps to corner Arthur. He actually backed up slowly until his back hit the wall. If Eames could see him now…

“And who else is coming?” Ariadne asked knowingly.

Arthur tried to argue, “Ari. No, this one’s actually dangerous.”

“Arthur,” she gritted her teeth,” who else is coming?”

***

“Hullo old friend Arth….er. What’s Ariadne doing here?” Eames halted.

Ariadne gave him a stink eye,” Change of plan, Eamesie. I’m in.” She pushed past him into the warehouse, scanning the place as she walked into the coffee pot. She helped herself to a hot cup with three spoonful of sugars.

“Hey, only my mother calls me that!” Eames shot her an affronted look.

Yusuf showed up in a pajama, “I thought you’re raised by two conservative gay dads.”

Eames relaxed,” She wouldn’t have known that. Anyway, where’s the lover?”

“If you mean my grounded piece of a boyfriend, he’s parking the car. And checking the perimeters while he’s at it. But seriously, how could gay dads be into conservatism?”

Dom’s stern voice surprised them as he barked, standing half-way on the stairs to the second level,” What the hell? What are you doing here? What is she doing here?”

Eames shrugged playfully, as if already knowing that this will be the outcome. Yusuf gave an honest I-don’t-know shrug. Ariadne looked up to gave him a challenging shrug as she answered,” Oh I don’t know, Dom. Maybe the fact that you two are a magnificent magnet of pain in the ass! What the fuck, Dom? Double-crossing a multibillion company?”

Dom gaped,” They tried to double-cross us first!”

Ariadne huffed,” Well, I’m certainly not into letting you guys celebrate a reunion without me.”

“This is not a reunion,” Dom said, clearly getting annoyed.

“Oh I don’t know, Dom’s in trouble, Arthur’s on Dom’s side, you two need Eames, the three of you need Yusuf, and voila. All of you need an architect.”

“I was going to be the architect,” Dom answered petulantly.

“Yeah, no chance Dom. Anyway, did you know Eames was raised by two gay dads who’re into conservatism?” she asked conversationally as she blew the steam off her cup.

Dom squinted,” Are you drinking my coffee? With my cup?”

Ariadne gave him a look.

Dom furrowed his eyebrows and went back to where he came from, all the way muttering,” Youngsters with their oversized balls.”

“Taking it as a compliment, Dom!” she shouted before a slamming sound of the door is heard throughout the warehouse.

***

“You do realize when he founds out, we’re the ones who’ll get killed right? Possibly by plastic spoons,” Eames said distractedly from his script.

“ _If_ he finds out, Eames,” Ariadne replied, constructing Dom to draw as she said. Dom huffed,” Of course he’ll finds out. Either way, the outcome is determined.”

“Hush, Dom. Draw. Weren’t you begging to be the architect?” Ariadne poked him,” and Dom’s right. Either way, he’ll still be a damn fine point man. Preferably _not_ after your blood though guys. I like all of you.”

Yusuf spoke up with his head still downturned to his formula calculation,” Aww. That makes me feel a teensy bit better.”

***

This has been the fourth time Arthur gets passive-aggressively rejected by her. And all of it doesn’t make sense. He still returns to Paris. He still hold the key to her apartment. Everything was supposed to be alright again after they dealt with that bothersome company. Dom returned back to his children and his day job without trouble. Yusuf went back to his underground research facility. Eames flew to wherever the wind takes him. And Arthur’s supposed to be home, in this tiny apartment in Paris, with Ariadne.

But Ariadne’s being off, and it feels all kinds of wrong.

And to tell the truth, he’s been acting wrong too. If it was the Arthur from when they first met, he will talk to her first thing. But now, he’s unable to sleep alone in their bed, and Ariadne’s on the living room couch. And neither of them are willing to talk about what’s wrong.

Has he changed, perhaps? Is he no more in love with her?

He turned to the bed table, reaching for that magic eight ball. He smiled at the weight of it, feeling a bit nostalgic. Maybe this is all in his head, he wondered. They will have a talk, and Ariadne will scold him over the unknown thing that pissed her off, and they’ll be alright.

“We’ll be alright, won’t we?” he whispered, then he shook the ball gently.

It vibrated and said, “ _Yes._ ”

His blood ran cold. Then he ran to the living room, knocking a lamp on his way which made Ariadne sat up in alarm.

“Arthur?”

He bit his upper lip as it trembled when he asked, “Eames?”

In the split second, her eyes went wide in recognition. In that split second, Arthur shot her between the eyes, and a second after that, himself.

***

It took him five minutes later to wake up, and in that five minutes, none of them left the room. So they were prepared to be found, he thought dizzyingly. He opened his mouth, but his body shook so hard, and no voice came out. He tried again.

“How did it happen?”

His raspy voice surround the bedroom. The small bedroom of Ariadne’s small apartment in Paris. The Somnacin case is by his side on the bed. Eames was also on the bed, sitting, waiting. Dom’s on the floor, and Yusuf’s fidgeting in the corner. All of them eerily silent.

“We were still with her on that level, when she suddenly had spasms, then she told us to get down with her for another level. Turns out she’s already bleeding. No idea who took the shot, it could be a backfire—you must have been already awake that time, leaving the place to take care of the system as we planned—,”

Arthur hold up his hand, “And for how long…this--,” he was unable to continue, so he hinted at the room.

Dom began to answer, but Eames cut in,” That’s not the question you want to ask, Arthur.”

Arthur jabbed him quick at his throat. Efficient. Painful. “You do not tell me what to do, Eames, not now,” he whispered tonelessly. Eames held back his groan. Arthur pulled out the needle in his arm carefully. He didn’t say anything as he carefully reached into the drawer and pulled out the eight ball. He shook it, and knew what it was going to say as it vibrated.

“ _Ask again later_.”

Dom nodded in apprehension. The one thing Ariadne didn’t calculate in the one-month level four dream they created this plan turns out to be her own rigged magic ball. Which functioned as a totem without her even realizing.

“I’m going to puke, and all of you are prohibited from escaping the perimeter,” Arthur wobbly walked into the bathroom.

***

“Why?”

The only word said between the four of them after almost two hours of silence. Arthur held his right to hold a gun and cleverly, none of them objected. They just need to sit still and not make a sudden movement to trigger it.

Eames carefully answered,” She’s…desperate.”

Arthur gave him a glance,” I know that, to actually make you guys do this fucking stunt, but why?”

“Me, Arthur,” Dom said, loud and clear. “She doesn’t want you to be like me.”

Yusuf joined, although hesitant,” She wanted you to live on.”

Eames took a deep breath and continued for both of them,” She actually wanted you to break up with her over a dream and made sure it’s over between you two. Then you’ll be brokenhearted, maybe, but you’ll get over her, and years, years later, when you find out, you’ll feel a bit of a pang in your heart, but you’ll live.”

Arthur stared at Eames for a while, and his eyes were darker than ever. It glossed a little as he turned the other way. Yusuf said nothing and turned back to tidy up. After a while, Eames thought he heard something like a mumble.

“Sorry, what?”

Arthur licked his lips and tried again, his body shook lightly.

“She’s really gone?”

Eames, unable to say anything, gave him a little nod. Then something broke inside Arthur, as he shook and shook, each time worse than before, and the rest of them stood by him as he wailed, and let out a piercing cry. Eames grabbed him down, and whether he’s trying to calm him or smother him became unclear as he felt tears clouding his eyes. He didn’t say anything as Arthur puked on his shirt.

“F-fuck,” Arthur sobbed. Yusuf offered him a glass of cool water to drink, and Arthur tried to hold the water without choking. Eames still have a good hold of him, trying to calm him. Dom eventually get over himself, and hugged Arthur from behind. Yusuf sat on the other side of the bed, and Eames caught him wiping his nose once or twice. Arthur kept on sobbing for the rest of the night.

***

It’s almost a year later when Eames met Arthur in Narita. And at once Eames knew who the mysterious point man this job acquired is. Their gazes locked, but neither said or did anything to acknowledge each other. Due to the courtesy of airport security cameras.

At two train stations and one bus stop away, Eames sat down on one of the benches and waited. Five minutes later, a dark-haired man with a neat three piece suit sat down next to him, holding a black suitcase. He took out a Moleskine from his suit pocket and started to scribble.

“Old chap,” Eames said.

“Eames,” Arthur nodded.

They went silent for a while, both waiting for the promised ride.

“How’s Jayapura?” Arthur asked in a polite tone.

“Funny story. Do you know what a _koteka_ is?” Eames started, and got shushed with Arthur’s hand hold up in the air.

“The thing is, I don’t think I want to hear any story involving you and a _koteka_.”

Eames grumbled,” Spoilsport.”

“Ha,” Arthur replied,” How’s Yusuf?”

“Same old, still buried down with new experiments,” Eames answered, and grew wary. Arthur realized it, and closed his notebook, put it back on his suit, and played with his pen. Eames knew what he’s trying to ask, so he answered without being questioned.

“Dom’s fine, he’s coping. Got along with his kids,” Eames said carefully,” and I’m here, as you know it. In one piece.”

Arthur gave a toneless hum, and finally put back his pen to his front pocket. A black sedan is now visible from the end of the street. Eames realized that it’s his only chance to ask, so he gave it a shot.

“Arthur. What about Paris?”

Arthur turned his head sideways so he could look at him in the eye as he gave a small smile,” I still return to Paris. Because Louvre.”

“And Ariadne?” Eames tried.

Arthur held their gaze as he sighed, still smiling, although it grew melancholic,” Yeah. Because her, too.”

 

 

*** Fin ***

Now if you’d leave me in peace.  
Now if you’d get on without me.

I am going to close my eyes

And I only want five things,  
five favorite roots.

The first is love without end.

The second is to see autumn.  
I cannot be without leaves  
flying away and returning to earth.

Third is grave winter,  
the rain I loved, the caress  
of a fire in a wilderness of cold.

In fourth place is summertime  
round like a watermelon.

The fifth thing is your eyes,  
Matilde, my love, my beloved,  
I don’t want to sleep without your eyes,  
I don’t want to be without you seeing me:  
I’d trade springtime  
for your gaze still upon me.

My friends, all of that is what I want.  
It’s nearly nothing and almost everything.

And now if you wish you may leave.

So much have I lived that one day  
you’ll have to make yourselves forget me,  
erasing the blackboard of me:  
my heart was endless.

But just because I ask for silence  
don’t go thinking I’m about to die:  
_au contraire!_ :  
it so happens I am going to be lived.

It just so happens that I am and I keep being.

I will not be dying for within me  
grains will grow,  
first the kernels that break through  
the ground to see light,  
but mother earth is dark:  
and inside me I am dark:  
I am like a well in whose waters  
the nighttime leaves her stars  
and goes on alone through the fields.

This is about my having lived so much  
that I want to live another much.

Never have I felt such resonance,  
never have I had so many kisses.

Now, as always, it is early.  
The light takes flight with her bees.

Leave me alone with this day.  
I ask permission to be born.

_I Ask for Silence by Pablo Neruda_

_Translated by Heidi Fischbach_


End file.
